A Few More What Could Have Beens
by 2nd Hand Barbie
Summary: Sydney said if she’d been the one left behind she would have waited for him. This is what her life could have been if Vaughn had been the one to disappear.
1. Prologue

**Author: **Would you believe me if I said Millie Vanillie?

**Summary:** Sydney said if she'd been the one left behind she would have waited for him. This is what her life could have been if Vaughn had been the one to disappear.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Alias (although JJ if you want to give it to me I wouldn't protest), or any of the other things I will invariably mention in this story. Some of the scenes are taken directly from the show, sorry 'bout that. But don't try and sue me because all I own is this computer, and even that I rent from school!

**Author's Note: **OK, this story is _technically_ the sequel to another I've written, but I never posted it or even bothered to finish writing, this one kind of took over. However, if you are interested in the other I could be persuaded to post it. Also, I know this story is a little over done, but I honestly couldn't help myself.

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Prologue

The continuous buzzing of a thriving city was the first thing to penetrate the thick fog of unconsciousness. Once the barrier between sleep and awake was breached Michael Vaughn's senses were bombarded by the vast array of sounds, smells, and pains all vying to be the first to be recognized, classified and prioritized. It was all so overwhelming that he couldn't help but wish for the sweet ignorance of oblivion. Still one little voice somewhere far in the back of his head reminded him that if he didn't wake up now he'd have to do it later, and things weren't likely to get any better with time.

Thanking that annoying little voice that made it impossible for him to ever sleep past 9 o'clock, Vaughn slowly forced his eyes open. It was barely a second before the assault on his retinas caused him to slam his eyes shut once more. The bright red light flashing at erratic intervals in combination with the acrid smell of garbage gave him the brief impression that he had descended into hell. The fiery stabbing pains on the inside of his skull did little to dissuade such a notion.

When he heard the sound of a cat somewhere nearby he once again forced his eyes open. This time he was ready for the pain and was able to keep them open long enough to recognise the dumpsters and garbage around him and place himself in a generic alley in some unknown city. Armed with his new knowledge, Vaughn once again fought against the other annoying little voice telling him to just pass out, and struggled to his feet. He was surprised by how difficult it was; his muscles ached from disuse.

Wandering unsteadily towards the mouth of the alley he stumbled multiple times, the sounds and sights overwhelming him. As he stepped out onto the busy street he was slightly shocked to realise he was in China! Hong Kong more specifically if the papers in the boxes lining the streets were to be trusted.

He soon found himself at a payphone, dialling numbers his slumberous mind was slow to recall.

"Yes?" chirped and overly pleasant voice.

"This," his voice too, seemed to feel the pain of misuse. "This is Officer 2179647 calling for connection—confirmation 'Iliad'."

Once again the voice on the other end set off hammers in his skull. "Stand by."

The wait was excruciating, not just physically, though the pains shooting through the muscles in his legs and back made standing difficult, but emotionally too. His mind was full of questions, all begging to be answered.

Kendall's brisk tone shattered the canned silence coming across the line. "Vaughn!"

"I just woke up in Hong Kong—I don't know how I got here, or how long I've been here," he rushed desperately. "Hello?" he asked more nervously when there was no answer.

"Get to our safe house in Tsim Sha Tsui. You remember how to get there?"

"Of course," Vaughn replied confused, one more question began swirling around in his mind.

"I'll make sure they're expecting you," he said before hanging up.

"OK," Vaughn whispered into dead air.

* * *

True to his word, Kendall had warned them, and when Vaughn arrived at the safe house he was quickly ushered to a small room somewhere towards the back.

"Have they said anything about haw I got here?" he asked, pausing in the dingy hall outside his temporary room. "What do they know?"

"They've asked you to wait until your contact arrives," the tired old Chinese man replied cryptically.

Just like the good little Boy Scout he was, Vaughn lowered his head and walked dejectedly into the room. The minutes crept by like hours, the hours like days. He fell into a fitful sleep but was unable to get any rest. Too many things made so little sense. Too many questions haunted his conscience.

Finally, after hours of tossing and turning, of pacing until Vaughn could almost swear he'd worn a path into the cement floor, someone gently knocked at the door. Anxiously Vaughn rushed towards the door, unsure of what, or rather who could lie on the other side. In the time he'd spent alone since waking up, his mind had come up with so many scenarios, none seemed to be true, many were completely implausible, all of them left him with an aching sense of dred in the pit of his stomach.

"Syd!" he breathed, when he opened the door to reveal her beautiful face. He didn't think he had ever seen anyone look better than she did at the moment. Despite her tired eyes and pained expression, her sloping shoulders as even her body seemed to scream for sleep, despite it all she managed to glow like no one else he had ever seen.

Automatically he wrapped her in his arms, taking comfort in the familiar feel of her body and the sweet smell that was uniquely 'Sydney'. Something about her was different, he couldn't quite tell what it was, but somehow she was not the woman he knew.

"Sydney," he whispered again angling his head to kiss her. For a moment he let himself get lost in the taste of her. Then long before he was ready she pulled away.

"Vaughn, I can't," the pain evident in her voice.

Yet more confusion was added to the mess currently substituting for Vaughn's brain. "What happened?" he asked desperately.

"I don't know."

"Where have I been? How long?"

The hurt and confusion was painfully evident on Sydney's face, a single tear slowly rolled down her cheek. "Sit…you should sit down," she said, gradually making her way towards the bed.

Vaughn sat down across from her. "Syd?"

"God," she whispered to herself. Then a little louder and trying hard to look him in the eye. "They told me you were dead."

She wasn't sure she could continue, and he wasn't sure he wanted to hear anymore. "They asked me to come back…to tell you this…"

"Come back? Come back from what?" he asked not liking at all where the conversation was heading.

Struggling to find the words, Sydney slowly raised her hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. And that's when he saw it; a glint of gold, two shiny bands on her left ring finger, one sporting a generously sized diamond.

"Syd?" he choked. "What are those rings?"

She raised her eyes to meet his and he could see that she had resigned herself to the pain. "Vaughn…since that night," a deep sigh shook her whole body. "Since that night…you've been missing," once again the will to continue, to believe that this was all happening seemed to escape her. "You've been missing for over two years."

The confusion that had flooded his mind just moments before was dwarfed by the new sense of panic and dread that nearly crippled him as she spoke the words. The brief thought that this was all some sick joke orchestrated by his 'best friend' Weiss was quickly cast aside when he saw the pain in Sydney's eyes.

This was real. This was all much too real. There was no way this could possibly be real.

Suddenly it was all too much. The waking up alone not knowing where he was. Kendall's cryptic manner on the phone. The hours of waiting in silence. Sydney. The rings. Two years. There was no way he could handle it all! It couldn't be real! It had to be a dream. No not a dream, this was a nightmare!

That made sense, if this was a nightmare then he was asleep, and all he had to do to escape and find himself in a warm bed lying next to Sydney was wake up.

Sydney looked on as if she was watching someone else's life. As if her world hadn't just come crashing down around her yet again. She watched dejectedly as Vaughn stood up, pinching his arm discreetly, obviously trying to wake himself from this terrible dream. A chagrined smile spread across her face, she knew what he was feeling so well. For too long she'd been dead with him, she knew he couldn't believe what was happening. There was one person responsible for bringing her back to life; she hoped Vaughn would find someone to do the same for him.

When waking up didn't seem to work, Vaughn agreed that it all could have been real, if only for the moment. He replayed it all in his head trying to see the faults. See what about this wasn't really happening.

The pain in his body told him it wasn't completely made up. The phone call to Kendall had gone as expected, well kind of. The safe house was the same as it always had been. Then there had been Sydney, so beautiful and…different! That's when he remembered; when he'd first seen her, he'd thought there was something different; maybe it wasn't her at all.

They'd doubled Lenox, what if _she_ was the second double they'd all been searching for. He looked closely at the woman sitting across from him. Her eyes seemed tired, but there was a spark hidden in the pain he'd never seen before. The half smile on her lips, filled with so much pain, yet triumphant. No, the woman in front of him couldn't possibly be Sydney. Not his Sydney. She would never get married to another man.

Somewhere that little nagging voice of doubt in the back of his mind reminded him how ready he'd been to propose to her the last time he'd seen her, and that hadn't been much longer than two years after Danny died.

But that was then, this was now! She wasn't like that; things had been different with them! She couldn't be married to some one else! She couldn't! Still that shiny gold band with its matching engagement ring said something entirely different.

No! His Sydney loved him. He knew it. This wasn't real. She wasn't real.

Instantly the fear and pain in Vaughn's eyes melted away. In their place were anger and resolve. He reached for the lamp resting on the table between the two beds, and aimed a solid blow at Sydney's head.

Her super spy reflexes had her standing behind him before the solid metal base encountered its target. His aching body left him in no shape to defend himself against her. His only advantage had been surprise. That was gone. Quickly and efficiently she pulled the gun from her waistband and took perfect aim.

The dart took only moments to work, but the look on Vaughn's face as he turned to face Sydney spoke volumes of the betrayal he felt. Sydney caught him before he hit the ground and sunk slowly under his weight. Then, for the first time since she'd been woken by the call telling her _he_ was back, Sydney allowed herself to cry.

* * *

A/N: So, did you like it? Did it suck as much as I fear it does? Use that little purple button to tell me what you think. Hell I'd even welcome flames. 'Cause as what can I say; I'm a bit of a masochist! 


	2. Chapter 1

**Author:** I'm guessing Meat Loaf is out then too?

**Summary:** Sydney said if she'd been the one left behind she would have waited for him. This is what her life could have been if Vaughn had been the one to disappear.

**Disclaimer:** Same thing!

**Author's Note:** Wow! I was amazed by all the great reviews. I'm so glad that you like it, and I promise that while it seems like it now, the story won't be going in the same vein as season 3. I'm writing this fic because in the immortal words of Michael Vaughn; "Last year sucked!" I hope you enjoy this and please review!

To answer one reviewers question; yes Sydney is wearing an engagement ring, but there's a wedding band on there too. I thought I made that pretty clear, but I changed a few things in the Prologue to make it more obvious after noticing some grammar and spelling mistakes.

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Chapter One

After a few quick calls to LA, Sydney was ready to go home. She half dragged, half carried a very unconscious Vaughn to the cab, and then on to the jet the CIA had loaned her for the op, and basked in the wonder of the non-commercial flight. After a few fruitless minutes of work, Sydney settled into the seat across from Vaughn and watched him sleep.

As they began their descent into LA, Sydney bolted awake from a sleep she didn't remember falling into. The lights stretched for as far as she could see. And the city seemed to glow with life in the dead of night. Just like expected, there was a CIA team waiting on the tarmac to take Vaughn in. Sydney insisted on waiting for Weiss to arrive before she allowed his still unconscious body to be carted away.

"Is it really him?" Weiss asked, staring at the sleeping form of his oldest friend.

"I told you he wasn't gone," Sydney said barely above a whisper.

Seeing her distress he wrapped a companionable arm around her. "How are you doing?"

"I really don't know," she answered truthfully, sinking deeper into his embrace.

They slowly followed the CIA team towards the small terminal, both still too shocked to see Vaughn after all this time to say anything even halfway intelligent.

Weiss said he'd drive home when it became clear Kendall wasn't going to make them sit through debrief tonight. Sydney was in no shape to be driving across town to their apartment building after the night she'd had.

The whole ride home they both remained completely silent. When they pulled into their building Weiss was surprised to see Sydney hadn't actually fallen asleep. Their silence continued through the garage, into the elevator, and up to the ground floor where both their apartments were located.

It was only as Weiss was unlocking his own door that Sydney popped her head back into the hall and broke the silence. "You'll let me tell him everything?"

He could tell she wanted him to say no, but he couldn't. "Of course, it's your news to tell," he said with another small smile. "G'night Syd."

"'Night Eric."

* * *

The familiar sense of calm that always enveloped her when she stepped in her front door was suspiciously absent as she entered her apartment. Instead a bone deep weariness set in and her only thought was of sleep. But as she passed the living room, the two bodies sprawled across the couch gave her a pause. Francie had obviously had a long day, she was still wearing what she'd worn to work, and she seemed to be in a deep, peaceful sleep. Sydney didn't dare wake her for she knew only too well the dangers of disturbing her slumber. Sydney's heart gave an almost painful squeeze when her eyes fell upon the second form. Billy. He looked so peaceful, so perfect. She had no idea what her life would be like if he hadn't come crashing into it when he had, and she didn't want to. As he lay there, so peaceful, she couldn't help the few tears that fell from her eyes. Things were so good, but with Vaughn back, who knew what was going to happen. 

Sydney turned off the muted television and knelt next the Billy's head. "Ready for bed?" she whispered into his ear.

His eyes fluttered open and he murmured his consent. He slipped his hand into hers and led her down the hall.

Sydney crawled in to bed next to Billy, not bothering to change. Right now all she wanted was to sleep. After a few minutes it became that the events of the long day were too much and sleep evaded her. It wasn't until Billy laid a gentle hand on her face and opened his eyes just long enough to give her a sleepy smile that Sydney was able to find enough peace to fall into a calm sleep.

* * *

Waking for the second time in a row with no idea where he was or how he got there was a very unsettling feeling. At least this time, the pain was gone and the strong smells were slightly less nauseating. Blinking open his eyes, his suspicions that he was in a hospital were confirmed. The brilliant white of the room blinded him for a moment as he struggled into a sitting position. 

"And Sleeping Beauty finally awakes," came a familiar voice from the other side of the room.

Mike turned to smile at his best friend. A simple, "Mm hmm," was all he could muster in respond.

"Lucky for both of us; 'cause I was starting to wonder if you didn't need a kiss from a handsome prince to wake you up! And honestly you've never been my type."

"Thank God for small favours," Vaughn said smiling. "How long have I been out?"

"Since Hong Kong man, it's been like two days! They've been running every test in the book on you. Eventually the great minds of Medical Services here at the CIA were finally able to deduce what is wrong with you."

Mike Sure nothing could be worse than losing two years; but Eric's grave tone made him brace himself for more bad news. "And what would that be exactly?"

"They say that you are dangerously fatigued and considerably dehydrated! Can't doctors just say 'sleepy and thirsty'? I mean all those great medical minds to figure out you over did it? Ridiculous!"

A small laugh escaped at his friends familiar antics. It seemed some things never changed.

"But seriously man, how are you feeling? Now that Medical Services has run every test known to man, animal and fungus on you and found nothing, Dixon can't see why we'd let something as trivial as unconsciousness get in the way of your debrief."

"Dixon?"

"Oh right, that would be Director Dixon these days. You think you're up to it?"

"I guess. I'm not really sure what I can tell them. Has it really been two years?"

"Twenty-six months, thirteen days," Eric said sadly. "I should have known something as inconsequential as death couldn't keep you away from Sydney!"

He winced at the sound of her name. He'd lost her; she was out of his reach now. "What's he like?" Mike asked.

"Who?"

"Her husband, I saw the ring. What's he like?" he persisted.

A smile flashed in Eric's eyes so quick Mike was almost sure it had never existed. "It's really not my place. I'm sure she'll tell you everything when she gets a chance," Eric assured him.

"Where is she? Mission?"

"Naw, she's not CIA anymore. She's a teacher now. She's a high school English teacher," Mike could hear the pride in his friend's voice.

"I didn't think she'd ever actually leave. I knew she always wanted to 'some day.' I just never thought that would actually happen."

"After you, she just couldn't do it anymore. And then with Billy—" Eric stopped cold, offering only a distant smile in lieu of an explanation.

So his name was Billy, he thought to himself. Sydney's husband's name was Billy, and he didn't want her to be a spy. How ridiculous was the name Billy? He thought caustically. What male over the age of twelve hadn't dropped the 'y' at the end of their name? Then again, she had nearly married Danny. Maybe it was a pattern with her. Should he start going by 'Mikey' and give that theory a shot?

* * *

It was nearly an entire week before Dixon let him out of debrief. They kept their sessions short because they both got very fed up with Vaughn's inability to answer questions or give any insight into his missing time. 

When he wasn't locked in a room with people demanding unanswerable questions, or being subjected to yet another test down in Med. Services, he was usually wandering uselessly around Joint Task Force. People seemed glad to see him alive, but no one was all that surprised, even though Weiss had told him his name was in the book under glass at Langley and his star was carved into the marble wall. It seemed that Sydney wouldn't allow anyone to give up on him. They'd been searching the whole time he was missing, even when word had come from Washington to stop.

This news both delighted and confused Vaughn. She never gave up on him, even after leaving the agency she continued to pressure them to search. She obviously cared, but then how could she be married? How could she be sharing her life with someone who wasn't him if she knew he wasn't really dead?

No one would answer his questions, on or off the record. People, while kind and friendly, seemed to treat Vaughn almost as if he'd left Syd willingly. As if she were the injured party in this situation, and he the big bad villain.

The only additional information he'd managed to squeeze out of Weiss was the name of her school, Notre Dame Secondary. A quick search on line had yielded the address, but no additional information on Sydney herself. Figuring it wasn't a good idea to perform any illegal hacks from a government computer; combined with his complete lack of security clearance didn't make things easy. But he had so many questions that she had to answer.

That is how he found himself wandering through the halls of a small catholic high school little more than a week after waking up in Hong Kong. Somehow a simple high school proved to be more difficult to navigate than he'd thought. He didn't want to run the risk of someone warning Sydney he was here—he figured surprise might loosen her tongue—so he couldn't ask at the front desk. But it wasn't long before a group of girls proved to be very helpful and lead her directly to Sydney's class. A few gushed about 'Mrs. Bristow being the best English teacher ever!' While a few others just hung back a few steps and giggled in that way which is unique to high school girls.

"Thank you very much ladies," he said with a large smile when he arrived outside her door just in time to hear the final bell ring.

"OK, class I want you ready to discuss Iago's psychotic behaviour for tomorrow, and remember that, 'Well it just wasn't cool,' won't suffice," Sydney called as her class scrambled from their seats. Vaughn stepped aside as students flooded from the room, and ventured inside carefully hoping for a few more seconds of anonymity.

It seemed luck was on his side, a small group of students were gathered at her desk hoping to get their questions answered. There were a surprising—or not—number of male students gathered around; the few questions he heard them ask all seemed like weak juvenile excuses to flirt with the hot English teacher. The girls weren't much better; they all talked to her like she was their best friend; begging confidences and making excuses playing heavy on the 'us girls against the world' angle. Sydney managed to answer all the questions and grant the extensions that came with a viable excuse, without stepping on any toes or hurting any feelings.

He got a few more strange looks as the last students headed out, spirits lighted by the thought of no more school until tomorrow. "You have a minute Mrs Bristow?" he asked. Too caught up in seeing her again to remember how complicated this conversation was bound to get.

Years of super spydom went a long way to disguise the shock she felt at the sound of his voice. But he knew her too well to miss the slightest change in emotion.

"Vaughn," she breathed quietly. "What are you doing here?"

Instantly all playfulness fled his mind. "I have a few questions. Everyone seems to think you're the only one who can—or should—answer them, so here I am."

"Maybe this isn't the best time. Or place," she said hesitantly.

"Maybe, but I don't think I have it in me to wait any longer. What the hell is going on Syd? How the hell did I wake up missing two years of my life, to find you married?" he demanded gesturing angrily towards her left hand.

"Vaughn, I don't know what happened to you. I don't know where you've been. They told me you were dead!"

"But you wouldn't believe it! You made sure the CIA was still looking for me even after you left to be with Billy!"

There was a sudden in take of breath when she heard him say the name.

"You didn't believe them. You knew I was still alive yet you married someone else!" he continued furiously.

"It's not like that. There—"

"What the hell is it like then? Why can't you just tell me what happened?" suddenly the anger disappeared and all she could see in his eyes was pain and confusion.

"I—I—God Vaughn it's just so hard!" Then her phone was ringing. She thanked which ever deity was looking out for her for the moment to pull her self together.

Glancing quickly at the screen Sydney let out a deep sigh. Then again, maybe thanks were too great. Some one was obviously having a lot of fun at her expense. This difficult conversation just got a hell of a lot more complicated. "Hello?"

* * *

Vaughn took a deep breath as Sydney answered her phone. He hadn't meant to go off on her like that. But after a week of everyone dodging his questions, he was all out of patience. 

"Yes Amélie….Sorry about that, but we really should talk," Sydney's voice came floating into his mind. Amélie? Why was his mother calling Sydney? They'd never met. He'd never had a chance to introduce them. "Now, if you have the time…Can we meet for coffee? I'm going through serious caffeine withdrawal…No, Billy can't come although I'm sure he'd love to see you…Yeah, the little place near school. À plus. Bisou!"

She was definitely speaking to his mother, but what was she talking about 'meeting for coffee?' His mother lived in France, how was that—

"Merde! J'ai pas parlé avec maman! Elle va me tuer!" Vaughn began mumbling quietly to himself in French and for a moment forgot Sydney was in the room at all.

"Yeah, that was your mother. Don't worry I'm sure she won't kill you, she'll just be happy to see you alive."

"You don't know maman," Vaughn said skeptically.

"Actually I do, quite well in fact. And believe me when I say that you'll be getting off easy for not calling this one time. She'd been waiting for today for the past two years."

"She knew I wasn't dead? But the CIA did it all. Weiss said there was a service."

"I talked to your mother, she knew all along you weren't dead. I believe your memorial had the lowest attendance rate in CIA history. No one believed you were dead. But you know the Agency, when they believe something there is nothing else. Not even the truth."

Once again Vaughn was struck by the fact that Sydney had known he was alive and still moved on. It just didn't fit with the idea of the woman he had known.

"I've got to go if I don't want to be late," Sydney said gathering her things.

"Where are we going?" he began following her out of the classroom.

"'We?' Vaughn I don't know if that's such a good idea," Sydney hesitated.

"You can't be serious. I want to see my mother!" Suddenly Vaughn felt very much like a spoiled child.

"I get that. I really do. But at least let me talk to her first. You know soften the blow. She knows you're alive but if you just go walking in there, well I don't know if she could handle it."

He knew she was right. Of course she was. But that didn't stop the sting. He wanted to see his mother, and it seemed as if he now had to share her with Sydney.

As they were walking out of the class room, a strange thought hit him. Sydney had told his mother that Billy couldn't come although she was sure he'd love to see her. That meant his mother had asked for Billy. But why would his mother be such good friends with Sydney's new husband if she knew that Vaughn was still alive?

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A/N: So there's another chapter. If there is anything you want to tell me, any ideas for the story. Feel free to hit that little purple button. 


	3. Chapter 2

**Author: **I know you wouldn't buy Rick Springfield, but what about Jesse's Girl?

**Summary:** Sydney said if she'd been the one left behind she would have waited for him. This is what her life could have been if Vaughn had been the one to disappear.

**Disclaimer:** Same thing!

**Author's Note: **OK so some of you may have guessed what's going on, but I hope you still keep reading. I swear Sydney has answers for what's going on.

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Chapter Two

Usually Sydney would have made the short trip to the coffee shop by car, but something about the idea of being trapped alone in her car with Vaughn, if only for five minutes, had her setting off on foot. It was a short walk, made in complete silence; Sydney could feel Vaughn's need to ask questions. She however, was not ready to answer them and so she continued to ignore the confusion between them.

Thankfully, they arrived at Coffee Spot before Amélie. Sydney told Vaughn to wait out of sight and wait until signalled to come out. The whole thing felt a bit like a bad episode of _A Reunion Story_, but Vaughn knew better to disagree with Sydney when she began giving mission parameters.

After tucking himself into one of the small booths at the back and hiding behind a newspaper, Vaughn peeked cautiously towards Sydney. He took full advantage of his first opportunity to study her since Hong Kong. There were differences, changes wrought by time. She seemed more grown up. She hadn't been a child by any right before he disappeared—he'd always thought her to be an old soul—but there was a new wisdom about her, something beautiful. There were changes in her body as well, the way she carried herself. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew her body almost as well as he knew his own, and she'd changed.

It wasn't long before his mother arrived. She was as beautiful and elegant as ever. Her short silver hair accented the graceful line of her neck and made her look positively regal. The calm, sometimes cool, expression she always wore was so familiar; Vaughn found it difficult to stay away. She was exactly the same as he remembered her. When she smiled that special smile she saved for her little boy, it became nearly impossible not to dash towards her like a child. His heart sunk when he remembered there was no way the smile was directed at him.

As he watched his mother greet Sydney like family, a tight hug and kisses on each cheek, Vaughn felt an inexplicable surge of jealousy. That was his mother! Who did Sydney think she was smiling at her that way? A week of unanswered questions and tentative responses had filled him with a confusion he hadn't felt since his father had died and no one would tell him how. He'd had enough of people telling him to 'ask Sydney,' or saying 'it wasn't there place.' Everything in his life had been put on hold because of her. And for the first time since they'd met, he wasn't willing to put her needs above his own any longer.

He began to rise and make his way towards his mother. Surely she wouldn't be too surprised to see him! She was his mother. Surely she'd just know he was here!

* * *

After Vaughn disappeared into the back of the small café, Sydney was left alone with her thoughts. She'd known since the moment they'd sent her to Hong Kong to bring him in that she would have to tell him everything. Tell him the truth. But that didn't make it any easier. She knew she owed him an explanation for Billy, but how could she say what she needed to? She knew it would break his heart and she'd never wanted to hurt him.

She was saved from another self debate of the best methods for telling Vaughn the truth when his mother arrived. Sydney was so grateful to have a woman as wonderful as Amélie in her life. Meeting when they had, had been a blessing. She knew exactly what Sydney was going through, having lost the love of her life, and just being around each other had made them feel closer to the man they both loved so much. In many ways she owed her life to his mother.

Standing to greet her, they embraced like old friends; it was amazing how quickly they'd grown so close. The relationship with her own mother being what it was, Sydney cherished the moments she shared with Amélie, as she had with Emily Sloan, grateful to receive their motherly love.

"It's my Michel," Amélie said, after brief pleasantries.

Sydney smiled at the mother's intuition. "Yes, he's back."

"How? Why? Where has he been?" the same questions Sydney had been asking herself all week came rushing out.

"Unfortunately we don't know. Michael has no memory of his missing time. He called from Hong Kong last week and he's been in debrief since. He's gone through hypnotic regression, but we still don't know anything."

Worry creased her beautiful face, "But he's OK? He doesn't remember, but my son's OK?"

"Yes he is," Sydney affirmed. "Before you see him, you have to know; I still haven't told him about everything that happened while he was gone."

"Billy?" she asked knowingly.

"No, he still doesn't know the whole story. You won't say anything until I can tell him?"

"Of course not. You should be the one to tell him. And don't worry I was married for 15 years, I know how to keep a secret," she said with a sly smile.

"Good. He's here now. I'm guessing you want to see him?" without waiting for a response Sydney looked up to give Vaughn the signal, only to find him already making his way over. With a slight nod to Amélie in Vaughn's direction, Sydney rose to leave the two alone for what was bound to be an emotional reunion.

"Chaton!' Amélie cried when she saw her son.

"Maman," he whispered pulling her into a tight hug.

"Tu m'as manqué, Michel," she told him, tears stinging her eyes.

"Moi aussi, tu m'as manqué."

"Tu as minci, mon petit," she fussed holding him at arms length to get a good look at him.

Vaughn flushed deep crimson and smiled glad that his mother would never change.

* * *

The next day, Vaughn was finally back at work. Weiss had called about 10 that morning; there was some emergency and they needed all agents at the task force. Since he was now officially cleared; Weiss thought now be a perfect time to get back in the swing of things. He couldn't have been more grateful, the idea of spending the day alone in Eric's apartment hadn't been particularly appealing. His mother, after their tearful reunion had surprisingly not insisted he stay with her. Saying he probably needed male bonding more than time alone with his mother. For the first time since before his twelfth birthday Vaughn couldn't have disagreed more.

Eric had been right, there was a big emergency, and Vaughn couldn't deny that being in the bullpen during a tense overseas op made him feel useful and almost normal again. As he stood tensely staring at a screen with the rest of the people in the JTF, Vaughn forgot for a moment that his life was completely in shambles.

Then he saw her walking down the hall, taking no notice of the chaos that surrounded her. He felt like he was seeing her for the first time. His heart stopped in his chest, and the brief moment of calm was shattered.

"I thought you said she left the Agency," he whispered into Eric's ear.

There was no need to ask who 'she' was. He'd been gone for two years but he hadn't changed at all. When speaking to Michael Vaughn there was only one woman in the world.

"She did. But she still does analysis on a regular basis. And Dixon's talked her into going on a couple of the more technical missions. Spying is in her blood. And she's an adrenaline junkie just like the rest of us. I don't think she'd be able to live without the rush. Besides, the CIA can barely go a whole month without discovering something that affects her life in one way or another. We were going on twenty-two days when you called in."

Vaughn sighed and tried to get his focus back on the drama unfolding around him.

* * *

Sydney was walking was walking towards the bullpen after leaving Billy and her father talking, when she ran into Will. He looked good, he was wearing a dark suit, which was practically CIA uniform, and glasses. His hair was cut close giving him a strangely innocent look. Only his bright, but not garish, tie made him stand out from all the other faceless agents milling around.

"Hey Syd," he greeted cheerfully.

"Will. I thought you were still at Langley for that seminar!" Will had been promoted to Senior Analyst almost two years ago. Since they were both Senior Analysts out of LA, Sydney was often able to talk her way out of certain job requirements that interfered with her 'real' life. So Will always had to go for both of them; even though he had a technically higher status. Still, everyone knew that no one would ever hold the CIA in the palm of their hand quite like Sydney.

"No, I flew in this morning. They thought I might be able to shed some light on this whole situation," he said nodding towards the swarm of busy agents. "What are you doing?"

"I came to see my dad. Billy's here too if you want to see him."

"Yeah, it's been a while since I've seen either of them. Is Billy with your dad now?"

"Yeah, but I don't like leaving them alone together too long. You never know what those two will get up to!" she said with a grin.

Will laughed and nodded his agreement. "Oh, I ran into Weiss earlier, he was wondering about movie night? I didn't know so he said he'd talk to you."

It had become a ritual in the last year; Thursday movie nights, Will, Francie and Weiss—when ever they weren't too busy with work—would gather at Sydney's to watch a movie. Would it become casualty of Vaughn's return?

"I guess I'll go talk to him. No reason we shouldn't have movie night," she forced a smile.

"No reason? Syd, come on, he's back. Vaughn is back. Have you even talked to him about Billy?" the way she avoided his eyes told him everything he needed to know. "Well I got to go. But I'll see you tonight."

Then with a quick kiss on the cheek he was gone.

* * *

Everyone looked up as Marshall came sprinting into the Bullpen. Sweat adorned his brow and he twisted his hands in nerves—or was that excitement.

"Did you find something?" Dixon demanded.

"Uh no. No sir. I'm not working on this case. That is to say it wasn't assigned to me. However, I did do a little hacking for one of the other guys in Op. Tech but I'm not technically on this case. Would you like me to be?" his boundless energy and never ending stream of conversation was kind of endearing.

All the agents went back to watching the scream tersely.

Marshall sidled carefully up to Eric. "Is he mad? Do you think I pissed off Director Dixon? 'Cause I really can't afford to get fired. You know with Carrie and Michelle."

"Don't worry Marshall, your uncanny genius gives you pretty much unbeatable job security," Weiss assured. If anything Marshall's job paranoia had increased over the last two years. He was now a proud family man, he'd been married to Carrie for a over a year and they had an adorable one year old daughter, Michelle. Who, if Marshall was to be believed, was going to join MENSA in just a matter of weeks.

"Thanks Eric. That's really nice," Marshall trailed off into one of his infamous spacey moments when no one could ever decipher what he was possibly thinking.

When Eric snapped his fingers just in front of Marshall's face he blinked a few times and seemed to settle back into reality. "Care to share with the rest of the class what brought you racing in here like a maniac?"

"Well I think I over did it a little on the synthesised caffeine I put in my coffee every morning. I've been feeling a little twitchy all day. But Sydney's here and she brought Billy. I just thought you might want to come with me to say hi. Grab a little man time. You know."

Eric shot a pointed glance at Vaughn who was standing a few paces away and shook his head. Marshall swallowed painfully and looked a little embarrassed.

"Hey, Vaug—Agent Va—Micha—Hi," Marshall stuttered nervously. "Didn't know you were back. Well I knew you were back from the dead—or from the missing rather since you never really died. I just didn't know you were back here, working."

Vaughn smiled slightly and greeted the strange little man. He couldn't believe that he was now married with a kid, but Weiss had told him about his and Carries weird relationship, and how Sydney had talked Carrie into marrying him when she'd been a few months pregnant.

"Well I should go—you know there's a glitch in this device I'm working on so—" with that turned and trotted in a very un-manly towards his office.

"So he hasn't changed has he?" Vaughn asked, staring slightly bewildered at his retreating back.

"Nope, as crazy as ever. It's truly amazing that his daughter is as normal as she is, so far."

"What was that about Billy being here? I got the impression from you he wasn't really part of the intelligence scene. But he must be. So is he CIA or FBI?" he hoped he could catch his friend off guard and get a little information from him.

"Neither," Weiss said with a huge grin. Vaughn had no idea what was so funny. "He's a civilian. Only one I've ever seen at JTF. Bugger doesn't even have to wear an ID, but Sydney never did either, so it kind of makes sense." Weiss's rambling did little to answer the questions still swirling in Vaughn's head.

* * *

The familiar tingling at the back of his neck told him Sydney was approaching before he saw her. His hyper awareness of her told him she was incredibly uncomfortable with just a look. Again he found himself strangely compelled _not_ to ease her discomfort. It was such a foreign feeling to him; he remembered their time together like it was only a few days ago; but somehow the feelings he'd felt for her then had already changed.

Or maybe it was she who had changed. Once again he was overcome by the feeling that there was something very different about her. He was sure it would slowly drive him crazy, but as she seemed adamant to avoid his gaze he didn't see them coming to terms any time soon.

As she talked animatedly with Eric only a few meters away, Vaughn could see them both casting furtive glances his way. There was obviously a secret between the two; something they didn't want him to know.

That's when it hit him. The difference. Or at least a large part of it. Fear. He'd seen her afraid a million times before. He'd consoled her with heartfelt words and tender embraces. He'd watched her face her fears and win a thousand times. But this time it was different. This time she was afraid of him.

* * *

Anyone else watching as she entered the bullpen would have seen confidence, comfort and beauty. But Eric Weiss wasn't anyone else. He saw the fear and self-doubt that she hid behind the mask she usually saved for missions. He saw how ill at ease she was, by the lightening fast glances she continued to throw towards Michael. And the beauty he saw went much more than skin deep. In many ways he saw her as less physically attractive now than when he had first met her. Not that he could deny how stunning she was. But maybe because he was no longer aware of her incredible beauty, its importance had faded as he'd gotten to know her. As he'd seen her struggle with her loss, as she'd been knocked down again and again and always got back up. Even more heroic was how after all this time; she was still able to light up a room with her smile.

This time her smile didn't reach her eyes and he was all too aware. He'd been warned by many people who knew them both the dangers of falling in love with her. She was spoken for. Her heart belonged to another and she would never be his. But that didn't worry him. Of course he loved her; it wasn't possible to know her and not to love her. But as he and Will had discussed on several occasions; she was just too wonderful to let the sting of unrequited love linger. Any man could easily love Agent Sydney Anne Bristow. But it took something incredible to fall in love _with_ her.

After leaving Will, Sydney headed towards Eric. They needed to talk. Surely the movie night concerns had been cover. There was no way he could really be concerned about that when other such huge things were going on. But then again one never knew with Eric; his ability to see the most inconsequential things as crucial was adorable and definitely appealed to the escapist in Sydney.

"Hey Weiss!" she grinned as she approached.

"Hey Bristow!" he mimicked. "Still on for movie night?"

"As always. But are you sure your houseguest wouldn't be driven a little insane if you ditched him to come hang with Billy and I? I'm not exactly his favourite person at the moment."

"Impossible!" he scoffed. "Besides, I was kind of thinking that perhaps you could go over to keep my house guest entertained while I hosted movie night. You know get him all up to date," Weiss said hopefully.

"I don't know, Weiss," the fear and confusion evident in her voice. "I don't know how to talk to him without making the whole situation worse. He's already lost two years of his life…" she trailed off knowing her predicament was clear.

He grimaced to show solidarity, then placed a gentle arm around her shoulder and guided her gaze toward Vaughn. "Don't you think it would be better to tell him everything now before he loses any more time?"

Weiss knew for once he was making sense and knew Sydney understood. That didn't mean she had to like the forced agreement.

"OK, you can host movie night at my place, if you tell Vaughn I'm coming over to talk to him," she finally whispered.

* * *

A/N: I have officially no idea where Weiss' feelings for Sydney came from. I was writing a very different scene when suddenly he was thinking of her as something other than a friend. I always thought it was a bit of a stretch when people said that the character felt that way and you just couldn't stop them. But now I understand that it's true.

I know the scene with Marshall doesn't really fit. But I had it was one of the first scenes that I thought of when I started this fic and it didn't feel right to abandon it.

Please review and tell me what you think. Feedback makes me giddy. Being giddy makes it hard to sleep and insomnia brings out the writer in me! You do the math.


	4. Chapter 3

**Author: **Hmm…What is Pat Benetar up to these days?

**Summary:** Sydney said if she'd been the one left behind she would have waited for him. This is what her life could have been if Vaughn had been the one to disappear.

**Disclaimer:** Same thing!

**Author's Note:** Wow! Again with the great reviews! They make me feel so happy and willing to update!So I'm looking for a beta, someone who can help me out with this story and possibly some others. If anyone is interested please let me know.

**

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Chapter 3

"So what do you have planned for tonight?" Mike asked, handing Eric a beer and settling onto the couch. The last few nights had been dedicated to re-introducing Mike to all the things he'd missed in two years. This meant Eric forced him to sit through endless hours of television and movies. Eric was proud to announce that remakes of comic books into films had really taken off. Last night he'd been subjected some atrocity called 'Daredevil,' he'd never actually heard of the comic book and the appeal of a blind lawyer superhero was lost on him. Plus there was no chemistry between the main characters; no way did he believe a shlub like Ben Affleck could land a goddess like Elektra.

When Eric had announced excitedly that the sequel would be released soon Mike had sneered. "They're both dead! What kind of sequel would that make?"

"She's a super-hot superhero! She comes back from the dead!" Eric had chided.

"Yeah right!" Mike had laughed

Eric looked at him questioningly. "How can you, 'Mr. I-Need-To-Catch-Up-On-Pop-Culture-Because-I-Recently-Came-Back-From-The Dead' doubt the merits of such a plot?"

"I wasn't actually dead!" he'd insisted.

"Technicalities!"

"Well if my life now is an example of post-post-mortem living; that movie is going to suck!" that had shut Weiss up.

Mike waited almost nervously for Weiss to tell him what was up tonight.

"Well see that's the thing," Eric finally replied with a bit of a grimace. "I'm going out tonight."

"OK, so I'm flying solo," Mike said relieved.

"Yeah, not exactly."

"Meaning what 'exactly'?" his nerves were quickly returning.

"Well, you see; there might be a small gathering at Sydney's place," Weiss hedged.

"And?" Mike asked knowing there was more to the story.

"And it seems that you two needed to talk, so I insisted that she come over here-"

"You did what?" Vaughn asked.

"I thought you wanted to talk to her," Weiss said a little confused.

"Past tense," Mike insisted. "She doesn't want to talk to me, and the longer I take to think about it the less I want to know about her and Billy," he said the last word as if it left a foul taste in his mouth.

Weiss' usual jovial grin had faded and Mike could see pain in his eyes. "Mike, you don't mean that man, let Sydney come and explain things. Trust me once you've heard her side of things you won't be so quick to dismiss Billy."

* * *

Across the hall, Sydney was having similar reservations about the upcoming conversation. "What am I supposed to say to him, Fran?" Sydney pleaded.

"I don't know babe, but you've got to do it soon before someone gets hurt," Francie replied.

The two women were in Sydney's bedroom, while Will and Billy started movie night in the living room. Francie had insisted that a conversation like this needed a serious outfit, but mainly she knew that Sydney needed some girl time before facing Michael.

"How did my life get so complicated? I feel like I've been living in a soap opera for way too long. Vaughn used to be my whole world; he saved me from myself after Danny died. But now there's Billy and, I just never thought I could love two people so much."

"I know, and it's hard. But the important thing is that you love them both. And I know you; you would do anything to save someone you love from hurting. Keeping the truth from Michael is only going to hurt him in the long run."

Sydney gave watery smile. "OK, next topic!" she said forcefully. "Do I change into jeans or just stay in this?" she was more than ready for this particular heart felt talk to come to an end.

"Definitely the jeans," Francie replied knowingly. "You want to stay low-key, try and keep the pressure off."

Once they were finished getting Sydney ready, she and Francie headed back to where the 'men folk'—as they insisted on being called—were hanging out.

"So gentlemen, and I use that term very loosely, how does Sydney look?" Francie asked leading Sydney towards the couches.

"Perfect," Will said smiling.

"Pretty," Billy added happily.

"If I said 'hot,' would that be the wrong answer?" Weiss, who had just walked in the door, asked.

"Yes!" they all said glaring playfully.

"OK, so I'll have to go with Billy on this one; pretty," Weiss said sheepishly.

"Better," Francie smiled at him.

"So you ready to go talk to Vaughn?" Will asked.

"I'm nervous, but Francie assures me everything will be fine," Sydney smiled weakly.

"She's right. I've known Mike for a long time and he's never loved anyone the way he loves you," Eric said reaching up to rub her shoulder.

"Besides, it's you. One look in those big brown eyes and any guy would forget any reason to be angry. Michael doesn't stand a chance," Francie added.

"I hope so," Sydney said on a sigh. "But just for the record, this Mike, Michael, Vaughn business is getting annoying. Can't we settle on one name for the guy?"

"I've known him longest!" Weiss insisted immediately.

"Yeah and I knew him best!" Sydney replied.

"How do you know?" he shot back.

"'Cause I'm pretty sure Vaughn doesn't swing that way!" Will pointed out.

Weiss flushed a deep shade of red and ducked his head in defeat. "Fine! Whatever! Just go!"

Sydney grinned triumphantly and ducked down to kiss Billy's cheek. "Love you, babe."

"Love you too," he grinned.

* * *

The knock on Eric's door shook Vaughn out of a deep reverie. He hadn't moved since Eric had left him on the couch to head over to Sydney's. He wasn't sure how long ago that had been, but he did know that the brood was stirring the anger deep within. Twenty-six months! He'd been gone twenty-six months and already she had moved on. And not just moved on, but gotten married! In a way he was grateful; he'd planned on proposing to Sydney in Santa Barbra just before he disappeared. Obviously she hadn't felt as strongly for him as he had for her. Because he knew if the roles were reversed; if he thought Sydney was dead, he wouldn't have been able to look at another woman for the rest of his life!

"Hi," came Sydney's voice from the entrance. She'd obviously let herself in. For some reason the key in her hand incensed him even more. First she'd moved on, then she'd become his maman's new best friend. And now it seemed that she was a huge part of Eric's life as well. Wasn't her new husband enough? Did she really need all _his_ friends and family in her life too?

"Hello," he replied coolly.

"So, I figured we should talk," she said approaching him gingerly. "There are some things I think I should explain."

"I'm not so sure that's a good idea," venom dripped from every word.

"Please, let me explain," she begged.

"Explain? What is there to explain?" he demanded angrily.

"Why don't you calm down and we can talk?"

"No. You don't get to pretend to be worried about me! Save that for your husband!" he spat back.

"I am worried, I do care about you. And I'm not married," she practically whispered.

"What's that then?" he asked confused, gesturing angrily towards her ring finger.

"I work at a catholic high school, Vaughn. There are a lot of people who wouldn't approve of my situation," she said gently fingering the gold bands.

"So Billy just lives with you?" he asked trying to understand.

She nodded.

"And you love him?" he asked.

"With all my heart," she replied honestly.

He knew he shouldn't ask the next question, but part of him needed to know how much she'd loved him. How long she'd grieved when he'd disappeared. "How long have you known him?"

"Twenty months and fifteen days," she answered automatically.

Six months! She'd met someone else after only six months! "How long have you been living together?"

"Most of that time," she replied. She wanted so badly to tell him everything, but not like this, not while he was so angry. It shouldn't be a retort to some comment he made.

The anger he'd felt just minutes before came rushing back tenfold. Six months! Six freaking months! She'd moved in with a guy she'd barely known when he'd been gone for just six months!

"Did you even look for me? You say you knew I wasn't dead? But did you care that I was still alive?" he question angrily.

"Of course I did Vaughn. For the first three months I didn't do anything _but_ look for you, but then—"

"Three months?" he cut her off furiously. He'd loved her more than life itself, and she'd looked for him for three months. "God, Syd you must have really loved me! You looked for three _whole_ months? How could I have ever doubted your feelings for me?" he spat sarcastically.

"Losing you Vaughn, losing you nearly killed me! You meant the world to me, and then suddenly you were gone! You can't know how hard that was!" there was a note of pleading in her tone.

"You know what Syd, I don't think I can know how you felt. I thought I mattered. But three months? After everything you've seen you gave up after three months?"

"I was ordered to stop searching for you," she tried to explain.

"When did that ever stop you before?" he couldn't believe that she'd given up on him. The whole time he'd known her she'd been ignoring protocol and regulations, hell even breaking federal laws if she needed to, just to ensure that she got her way. But when it came to finding him she'd given up. She'd listened to Kendall or Dixon or whoever gave the order and she'd stopped.

"It never did before, but there were other reasons."

"And I don't think I want to hear them! I thought I would. I thought I'd want to know what had happened, but you know what? I don't care! I don't care!" he shouted.

"Please, Vaughn, just listen. There is something I need to tell you," she'd never seen him this angry and hurt, and it scared her.

"This is over. This conversation. This argument. This, whatever it was that was once between us. It's over!"

Sydney desperately wanted to tell him the truth, she wanted him to know everything, to understand. But she didn't want to yell at him. That wasn't how she wanted to tell him.

"Please, just calm down," she pleaded.

"No. Get. Out." he stated calmly, but she could see the fury burning just beneath the surface.

"Now!' he nearly screamed when he saw her hesitate.

* * *

"Back so soon?" Eric asked as Sydney walked into her apartment.

"Yeah," she answered quietly.

"Uh oh, he didn't take it well?" Francie asked seeing her friend's tear streak face.

"I didn't tell him," she said curling up next to Billy on the couch.

"Sydney, you promised you'd talk to him," Will admonished lightly.

"I tired. I really tried, but he didn't want to hear anything I had to say," she told them.

"It'll be OK," Billy promised, reaching up to stroke her cheek.

"I know babe, I know," she said looking into his eyes and smiling. He could always make her smile.

"So should Tippin and I go over and kick some ass?" Weiss asked seriously.

"'Tippin'? Since when do you call him 'Tippin'?" Francie asked in disbelief.

"Well, if we're going on an ass kicking mission I feel we should get code names and handles and stuff. I know Will isn't field rated, but I thought he could be my partner," Weiss informed them all a little hesitantly.

"What's my mission?" Billy demanded.

"To stay here and protect the women folk," Weiss replied.

"Sir, yes sir!" Billy said jumping to attention.

They all laughed.

"At ease soldier! Thanks for the thought Weiss, but I think Vaughn could use a friend right now," Sydney smiled.

"Are you sure? 'Cause I've been waiting a long time to have a good reason to take a go at him. I've always wondered if I could take him."

"I would pay good money to see those two fight," Will interrupted.

"Brains and brawn vs. Heart and flab!" Francie mused.

"Hey! I resent that! I'm not flabby am I Syd?" Weiss inquired.

"Cuddly," Sydney assured. "Some women like that in a guy."

"I think she's making a move on me," Weiss whispered to Will, loud enough for everyone to hear.

Francie groaned.

"She's not," Billy smiled snuggling back into her embrace.

"I'm not," she agreed. "Now go home, Weiss. And be nice," Sydney warned.

Weiss did as told and said quick goodbyes to everyone then headed back to his own apartment.

* * *

"I thought I told you to talk to her," Weiss said as he walked in to see Mike sprawled on the couch.

"You did. I tried. It didn't work," Mike stated briefly.

"And that's OK with you? You don't care what she has to say? No matter how important it might be?" Weiss asked.

"What happened to you being my friend?" Mike asked.

"I am your friend. That's why I think you should talk to Sydney. Let her tell you what happened without biting her head off," Weiss was surprised by Mike's childish tone.

"Whatever," Mike shrugged.

"Fine if you want to lose the best woman who's ever come into your life, that's your problem," Weiss said rising to leave.

"I've already lost her," Mike whispered to his friend's retreating form.

"Not yet. But you will."

"She doesn't need me. She has Billy. And I don't think I can just be her friend. I love her too much for that," he said sadly.

"Doesn't stop me," Weiss said before leaving.

**

* * *

A/N: Sorry about Jerk!Vaughn in this chapter, but the way he acted at the end of third season showed that he isn't always such a nice guy, and I wanted to get that out of the way before he finally lets Sydney tell him what he needs to hear.**

Just a quick note on the Vaughn, Mike, Michael thing; I know it might be a little confusing, but I think that the different names have a lot to do with who he is around certain people. Mike is Weiss' college buddy, a bit of a player but a really nice guy. Vaughn is the agent loyal to his country and completely in love with Sydney. And Michael is his mother's little boy and Sydney's boyfriend from the bank. I have a million different nicknames and can honestly say that to every person who calls me by some strange derivation of my name I am someone completely different.


	5. Chapter 4

**Author: **Has anyone heard from Tiffany lately?

**Summary:** Sydney said if she'd been the one left behind she would have waited for him. This is what her life could have been if Vaughn had been the one to disappear.

**Disclaimer:** Same thing!

**Author's Note: **Again I love all of those wonderful people out there who have reviewed my story! I'm still looking for a beta, so if anyone thinks they could spare the time just give me a shout.**

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Chapter 4

"What happened to you, Michel?" Amélie Vaughn asked her son over dinner two nights later.

"I don't know. That's my problem. I disappeared for two years and I have no idea where I was or what happened to my life while I was gone," Michael answered sadly.

"That's not what I meant. I mean, what happened to the sweet, mild tempered little boy I raised?"

Michael eyed her suspiciously.

"I heard what happened between you and Sydney the other night. It's not like you to ignore what someone else has to say, especially when that person loves you."

"So now she's tattling on me to my mother?" Michael bit back.

"Don't sass me young man!" automatically Michael hung his head embarrassed by his own actions. "I called Sydney to ask if she'd talked to you, she said she'd tried, when I asked her what that meant she reluctantly told me about your little hissy fit."

Michael blushed deep red under his mother's disapproving stare. "I didn't mean to, honestly maman. I wanted to listen, but it hurt too much. I know I lost her to Billy, that doesn't mean I want to know how."

"I'm not so sure she's lost. She loves you very much. I may have never seen the two of you together, or met her before she lost you, but I saw what it did to her. Billy saved her from that. Losing you nearly killed her, literally."

"What does that mean? Everyone keeps saying that; losing me nearly killed her, but how?" he asked.

"Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this, I promised Sydney I'd let her tell you everything."

Michael fixed her with a glare that could change anyone's mind. His mother ignored it.

"However, I do believe that you need to hear a little bit of what happened before you will listen to her."

Michael nodded slowly encouraging his mother to continue.

"The first time I met Sydney was the day after you disappeared. She wanted to tell me what had happened to you herself. The girl was a wreck, but she was concerned about how I would take the news, how the CIA might tell me you were dead when she knew you weren't.

"When she introduced herself I was completely confused, you'd been talking about her for ages, and I was supposed to be sending you your grandmother's ring to propose to her with. Yet here she was all alone on my doorstep. She told me everything she knew about your disappearance, but with only a day since you'd been missing they didn't have much. All the evidence said you were dead, but something about her, something she said, made me believe you were still alive."

"What did she say?" he asked.

"She said; you couldn't be dead because she'd know. She'd know if you were truly gone. I knew it was true, I'd felt the same thing with your father, I knew before I got the call. If she said she didn't believe that you were dead then I didn't either.

"I didn't see her again for another three months. We spoke on the phone. She kept me up to date on her investigation. Mostly we talked about you, but sometimes we just talked. Then one day I got a call from Eric, Sydney was in a hospital in Paris, they wouldn't release her, and once they did they said she wasn't allowed to fly. I went to get her. I couldn't believe it when I first say her; she'd lost so much weight and looked so exhausted. I've never seen so one unhealthy and without a physical reason.

"The doctors were so worried about her. It took me forever to convince them to release her to me, but I promised to take good care of her. She stayed with me for two months before her doctors allowed her to fly again. By then all she wanted to do was come back to LA, I came with her."

"Sydney is the reason you live in LA?" the question had been nagging him since he'd found out about his mother's relocation. She'd always hated California.

"She was my family all I had left of you. Being near each other made us feel closer to you. She loves you more than you will ever know," Amélie told her son.

"But Billy," Michael protested.

"Now that really is her story. But let me tell you that he saved her life, he is the reason your disappearance didn't kill her. Talk to her. Listen to what she has to say," she ordered softly.

"I want to. It just hurts too much. Losing her hurts so much," a single tear slid down his cheek and his mother wiped it away.

"Maybe it doesn't have to. Maybe you haven't lost her yet," she said sagely.

"That's exactly what Weiss said," Michael told her.

"Then maybe we're right."

* * *

After dinner with his mother Vaughn headed back to Eric's apartment, Eric was out on a date, but Vaughn was looking forward to sometime on his own to think about what his mother had said. 

He was at the top of the stairs when his phone rang.

"This is Vaughn," he said raising it to his ear.

"Hello Agent Vaughn, this is Dr Radcliff from Medical Services. We were wondering if you would be available at ten o'clock tomorrow for some follow up tests," came the voice from the other end.

"What needs to be done?" he asked.

"A little blood work, nothing serious. Will you be there?"

"Of course. Goodbye," he said hanging up. "Damn! Damn! Damn! I'm not a freaking lab rat," he muttered to himself.

"You OK, Michael?" asked a female voice from the other side of the hall.

He turned and saw Francie stepping out of the apartment she shared with Sydney.

"Yeah, just a little tired of being the CIA's latest pin cushion," he said with a half smile.

"It sucks, I know, but it's never long before some new emergency makes them forget all about you. Trust me!" she grinned.

He shot her a confused glance.

"Do you remember that guy Dr. Markovick and the whole Project Helix deal? The search for the second double?" she asked.

He nodded. Of course he remembered; he had about two weeks' memories since that. The question was; how did Francie know about it?

"Well they found the second double not long after you disappeared. Turns out the bitch stole my face! I was the second double, or the second double was me? Damn after all this time I still can't find the right words to say it. Either way, there were a lot of freaking tests. The CIA seems to love the human lab rat deal."

Wow! He'd had no idea. It was so weird to hear about real things that happened while he'd been gone, made the missing time so much more real then Weiss' crappy movies ever could.

"That's rough, couldn't have been a nice introduction to the Agency."

She shrugged. "The hardest part was learning that Will and Sydney had this whole other life I'd never known about, but by the time they'd actually told me I'd already figured it out."

"That obvious?"

"Not really, but with the bank trips, and then the new bank with more trips. The secrets Will was keeping. And I never really wanted to believe he'd been a junkie," she said sadly. It was still hard to think of the way her two best friends in the world had been forced to lie to her. She understood, but it didn't stop the pain.

"I've got to go solve some minor disaster at the restaurant before the debrief," Francie said pointing towards the stairs.

"Debrief?" now he was in flat out disbelief.

"Eric's date. After his last serious girlfriend, we try to keep a close eye on who gets too close," she smirked.

"What happened last time?" Vaughn asked. Eric hadn't said anything about a heartbreak or serious girlfriend.

"Oh it's a wonderful story! But I've been paid never to tell it."

"OK, well I'll let you get to it," he said turning towards the door. Then suddenly he turned to face her again. "Hey Francie, do you think Sydney would give me another chance at the talking thing tonight?"

"Of course. Just give her a call and she'll meet you at Eric's." With that she was gone.

* * *

It had been a really long day. All Sydney wanted was to pass out for a good twelve hours. And if she went to sleep now she might get eight, before Billy inevitably woke her up. No matter how hard he tried, the moment he woke up she was awake too. 

At the moment she was sitting on her couch with Will watching the news. Nothing interesting, but it was a way to kill time before Saturday Night Live, usually she avoided it like the plague, the sketches really sucked lately, but that hot guy from 'Never Been Kissed' was hosting and she wanted to watch. Plus she knew she wouldn't sleep well tonight. She hadn't since Vaughn had come back. She wouldn't until he let her talk to him.

"You OK Syd?" Will asked.

"Just tired," she yawned as if to prove the point.

"You don't have to stay up to interrogate Weiss, we'll tell you all about it in the morning," he promised.

"Thanks, but that's not why I can't sleep."

"Vaughn?" he asked

"Vaughn," she agreed.

Will was glad he'd gotten over Sydney a long time ago, because seeing her like this over another guy would have broken his heart. "He'll come around Syd. Just give him some time."

"I know, but I want him to meet Billy. I want him to be OK with everything!" she told him sadly.

When the phone rang Sydney gave Will a look and he reached over to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Will?" came Vaughn's voice from the other end.

"Vaughn?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, do you think I could talk to Sydney?"

"Of course," he replied handing the phone to Sydney.

After a few brief words, she hung up and told Will she was going to go talk to Vaughn at Eric's.

"Good luck Syd," he called as she headed out the door.

* * *

This time when she knocked on the door, Vaughn was ready to open it on the other side. 

"Hey," he smiled at her.

"Hi."

He could tell she was nervous. Not that he could blame her after the way he'd acted the other night. But it still hurt. He used to be the one she turned to when she was confused or scared, and now he was the one causing those feelings.

"I had dinner with my mother tonight," he offered slightly awkwardly.

"How is she?" Sydney asked with genuine interest.

"Angry. Apparently she didn't raise me to throw temper tantrums like a spoiled brat."

"You weren't that bad," she told him, knowing he was referring to the other night.

"Yes I was. And I'm sorry. She had some other things to say. She told me a little about what happened between the two of you while I was gone."

"Sh-she did?" Sydney stuttered.

"Yes, and I wanted to thank you for taking such good care of my mother."

"She's the one who took care of me. She saved my life," Sydney said, still to grateful to ever explain for all Amélie had done for her.

"She told me that you saved her. She also, in her infinite wisdom, told me to get over myself and listen to you. She said you had some very important things to say,"

"She's right. There are some things I want to tell you, I'm just not sure how to say them. God, I can't imagine what it must be like to wake up one day and find two years of your life missing," tears were already beginning to form behind her eyes and she had no idea how she was going to tell him everything.

"It's OK Sydney, as much as I hate it; I was gone and you had to keep living, I understand that," slowly he felt a part of himself—the one that would do anything for Sydney, the one that had been absent since he saw those rings—stir to life. He honestly did mean it. He wanted nothing more than to see her happy, and if she was happy with Billy then that would be OK. Eventually.

"But I knew you weren't dead. Just missing and Vaughn as much as I didn't want my life to continue it did. You weren't dead so I couldn't let myself die with you. You were just gone, and I disappeared too. For three months I did nothing but search for you. On the slightest intelligence I would fly around the world. I couldn't find anything to prove what I knew was true."

He could see the pain she was in. He couldn't believe how hard it must have been then, if she still felt like this two years later.

"You'd been missing for three months when things changed."

"My mom already told me. She said you nearly killed yourself looking for me. She said that the doctors wouldn't let you leave the country so you went to stay with her." Somehow two nights ago the idea that she had only looked for him for three months had seemed terrible, but now looking at her he knew that she hadn't had any choice but to stop.

"Yeah, but there's more," again she seemed unable to find the words.

"More?" he choked out.

"Those few days in the hospital before I went to stay with your mother, they were terrible, and wonderful and scary as hell. The doctors wouldn't believe it at first. They ran the tests several times before they even told me. Then there were a thousand more tests and millions of question. Still it didn't make any sense.

"OK that I can relate to; the not making sense part. What are you talking about Syd," there was an edge of panic in his voice.

"They told me it was already over. They said there was a zero percent chance of survival, that it was only a matter of time. They said there was no way I'd survive if they didn't do something soon. But I wouldn't let them. I told them I'd gotten that far and they couldn't take you from me."

He couldn't understand. He wasn't sure he wanted to. She had been, she was sick, and she wouldn't let them help her? And what did that have to do with him?

He was shocked out of his thoughts by the sight of her tears. He wrapped his arms around her a little afraid she might resist. She didn't. "It's going to be OK Syd. I love you so much and everything is going to be OK," he whispered softly in her ear.

"I know, but thinking about those doctors. About what I almost lost. All the things they said to me. I just can't believe things can be so awful and so completely amazing at the same time. You know?"

"You're going to have to explain this to me Sydney."

"Yeah I guess I will. The thing is the reason they were all so worried. The reason they didn't think I would survive was because I was pregnant."

"What?" Vaughn finally asked after nearly a minute of complete silence.

"Three months after you left, I found out I was pregnant. I'd been so completely focused on finding you that my baby nearly died."

"Baby?" he croaked.

"William Daniel Bristow Vaughn."

"Billy?" It was more of a statement then a question.

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**A/N: Surprise! (Like you all hadn't already guessed!) That's all for now folks! I hope you enjoyed it. Please review! 


	6. Chapter 5

**Author:** Is it a little too low profile for Madonna?

**Summary:** Sydney said if she'd been the one left behind she would have waited for him. This is what her life could have been if Vaughn had been the one to disappear.

**Disclaimer:** Same thing! The song isn't mine either, I stole it from an unknown source and am giving them all the credit right…now!

**Author's Note: **Sorry, this chapter is a little shorter than usual, but I wanted this to be all about the Bristow/Vaughn family. I'm still looking for a beta if anyone is interested. This might be the last chapter for a little while, in addition to not being able to get my ideas to fit coherently onto paper, I'm moving in two weeks and my life is gonna get a little crazy!

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Chapter 5

"Billy?" It was more of a statement then a question.

Sydney nodded, watching him closely for a reaction.

"Billy is your son, not your new boyfriend?"

"Our son," she corrected.

"Our son," Vaughn said trying the words himself. "Billy," suddenly the name didn't seem so horrible. Suddenly all of this didn't seem so amazingly awful.

"Vaughn, are you OK?" Sydney asked. Only then did he realise he'd been staring at the far wall for an undetermined amount of time.

"I have a son?" the whole idea seemed incomprehensible. He'd almost gotten used to the idea that Sydney was with someone else. In love with someone else. But it turned out that the other man in her life was actually his son. "How old is he?" realising he knew nothing about his own son other than his name.

"Twenty months and seventeen days. Born nearly a month premature on January 13th, 2003. He weighed five pounds seven ounces. He has your chin and your eyes. He loves broccoli and avocados but can't stand carrots. His first word was 'beer' after spending a little too much time with uncles Eric and Will. He's…he's perfect," she said with all the honesty of a mother who believes her son can do no wrong.

"Billy," Vaughn repeated, this time with a little more force.

"OK, you're going to have to expand your vocabulary a little here. Maybe make your way towards full sentences."

"I just…I just can't believe I have a son! God I have a son. I'm a father?" he was entirely unaware of the tears streaming down his face.

Sydney had known that learning the truth about Billy would be hard on Vaughn. She couldn't imagine missing the first two years of her own child's life. That's why she'd been so hesitant to tell him. She'd wanted to break it to him gently, not during some screaming match like what their last few encounters had quickly deteriorated into. Seeing his reaction she knew she'd been right, but she still wished she could have told him sooner.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," she said suddenly, mostly to herself but Vaughn was sitting right next to her and couldn't help but overhear.

"What wasn't supposed to be like this?" he was slowly processing the idea of having a son and coming back to reality.

"I never wanted to tell you that you had a two year old son."

He was shocked. Why hadn't she wanted to tell him? What had he done?

She saw the look on his face and she knew she'd said it wrong. "No, no not like that. I never wanted to tell you that you had a two year old son because you should have been there all along. I wanted us to find out together. We should have been happily married. It should have been a decision we made together. I could have started teaching; you would have gone back to being a desk jockey. Not like this. Never like this."

"I was going to ask you to marry me," he told her. "In Santa Barbra. I was going to propose. I had everything planned, a romantic dinner, candlelight, it would have been perfect."

"I know," she told him and began to fiddle with the rings on her left hand.

How could she have known? He'd never told anyone, not even Weiss. Except his mother when he'd asked for his grandmother's ring. Suddenly the rings on her finger were much too familiar. "Are those," he stopped. They couldn't possibly be. And yet they were so similar. "Was that my grandmother's?"

She nodded shyly ducking her head.

"My mother?"

"She gave them to me when I told her you'd disappeared. She told me what you'd said, all your plans. She told me you'd want me to have them. I didn't wear them until I found out about Billy, I wanted you to come back and ask me. But when I found out I was pregnant it was like finding you and losing you all over again. You were supposed to be there. They made it a little easier, made me feel a little less alone through it all."

She made a move to take them off, but Vaughn laid his hand over hers and shook his head. "I want you to wear them," he smiled softly.

"Vaughn. I—we can't. You know that I love you, but it's been two years, we can't just pick up where we left off," no matter how much it hurt she knew she had to say it. Things were different then they had been two years ago. They were different people now.

"I know, but I want to get to know you again. I want to get to know my son. See how it goes. But until then I still want you to wear them."

She nodded mutely, still not entirely able to meet his eyes.

He used a gentle finger to raise her chin so her gaze met his. His eyes flickered briefly to her lips. "Can I kiss you?"

"Please," her voice was so low that if he hadn't been sitting so close he wouldn't have heard it. But that was all he needed to hear. He let his head dip slowly until their lips met.

It was like no kiss they'd ever shared. There was none of the urgency of their first kisses. There was still ample passion, but it was all kept pent up just below the surface. It was timid and gentle and beautiful.

Sydney slowly let her hand drift up to the place where his neck met his shoulder. His hand was still holding her chin steady. Their other hands clasped gently between them. Other than the soft touch of hands and lips their bodies were completely separate. Lips parted delicately but neither ventured any further as if they were both afraid to go ruin the perfection of the moment.

When the urgent chirping of Sydney's cell phone broke the silence, they both pulled away slowly and a little reluctantly.

"Hello?" Sydney said a little breathlessly.

"Hey Syd. I'm sorry to bug you but Billy just woke up and—"

"Another nightmare?" her mommy senses kicking into overdrive. "I'll be there in ten seconds," she said before snapping the phone shut.

"That was Will. Billy, he just had another nightmare. I have to go to him," she said desperately as she rushed towards the door.

Vaughn sat quietly, unsure of his role in this particular situation.

"Would you like to meet your son?" she asked pausing at Weiss' door.

He nodded and followed her silently down the hall to her own apartment.

"Is he OK?" she asked Will the moment he set foot in the apartment.

"Yeah, I think he was worried when he woke up and found you gone," he replied stepping through a door just off the living room. "Vaughn!" he said a little surprised.

Vaughn dipped his head in a brief acknowledgement, still too in awe of the whole situation to form words.

Then Will turned to Sydney. "I think I'm going to go pick Francie up at the restaurant. We're staying at my place tonight," he threw a meaningful look at Vaughn.

Sydney's expression gave nothing away. "I'll tell Eric that we'll debrief him another night."

A noise from the other room made Sydney pale. "Let me go calm him down and I'll bring him out in a minute," she told Vaughn as she rushed to find her son.

Will stayed only a minute longer, and then left him all alone in Sydney's apartment. He walked to the book shelves lining the wall. She had framed pictures propped against the many books. There were pictures of Sydney with Will and Francie. And a few with her holding a small bundle of blankets that must have been Billy. But the one that caught his eye was a close up of a tiny face. Bright green eyes shone up at him from just above tiny button nose which was slightly hidden by the edge of a book that was clasped tightly in chubby little hands.

Sydney was right, he was perfect.

A soft noise from the next room caught Vaughn's attention, when he listened closely he swore he could hear singing. Inching slowly towards the door the voices got louder.

"_I went to the animal fair  
__The birds and the beasts were there  
__The big baboon  
__By the light of the moon  
__Was combing his auburn hair_

_I went to see the monk  
__He sat on the elephant's trunk  
__The elephant sneezed, ACHOO!  
__And fell on his knees  
__And that's what came of the monk, the monk, the monk_"

Vaughn stood transfixed in the door way, the little boy bouncing brightly in front of Sydney was grinning widely. The only sign of the nightmare just minutes before were the faint tracks of tears still on his cheeks.

When they finished they both collapsed into a pile of giggles, he could see Sydney tickling the little boy—his son—and was reminded of how his own mother used to make him forget his bad dreams. He felt like he was intruding on a private moment so he began to slowly back away, but his movement caught Billy's eye. For a moment they both froze.

What happened next was almost more surprising than the rest of the night's announcements. Billy scrambled to his feet. "Daddy!" he said in a strong voice.

Vaughn was completely taken aback when the boy recognized him, and then when he moved towards him, Vaughn couldn't help but feel a bit like he was looking into the mirror. Sydney was right, they had the same eyes, and chin, he wasn't sure whose nose he had, but the smile was all Sydney. And just like the first time, it only took one smile to make him fall completely in love.

Sydney watched on silently as her little boy stole the heart of the man she loved. It was so sweet to see the two of them together, Vaughn seemed a little ill at ease, as he picked up the small boy, but Billy chattered at him as if he'd known him his whole life. At that thought Sydney's heart broke a little, there were so many things Vaughn had missed, so many memories he could never get back.

Like any nearly two year old boy, Billy quickly tired of the new attention. He began to squirm so Vaughn placed him lightly back on his feet.

"Thomas!" said pointing to the other room.

"OK Buddy, but just one," Sydney told him and he took off into the other room.

"Thomas?" Vaughn asked confused.

Sydney smiled. "It's hard for him to sleep after nightmares so I usually let him watch some Thomas the Tank Engine, something about the trains puts him sleep."

They made there way out to the living room, where Billy had already chosen a DVD and was trying to fit it into the still closed machine.

"A little eager, isn't he?" Vaughn chuckled at the boy's actions

"Of course, it is after all Thomas!" Sydney's tone was filled with mock sincerity. She was amazed how easy it was to fall back into comfortable patterns with Vaughn now that the burden of truth had been lifted.

"Mommy!" Billy moaned when no one came to help him with his Thomas. Sydney slipped the DVD from Billy and popped it in, and then she settled on to the same couch as Vaughn. Billy plunked himself down between the two adults and that sat content just to watch the little boy so enthralled by the little toy trains that whizzed across the screen.

Not long after the opening credits Billy was slumped against the cushions and snoring lightly. "You weren't joking about it putting him to sleep were you?" Vaughn asked incredulously.

"I would never joke about the miracle that is Thomas the Tank Engine, anything that can make a hyper active two year old sit quietly for an extended amount of time is a true blessing."

"I'm sure, you must cherish the few moments of down time it gives you," he couldn't imagine what it must have been like for her; she was a teacher, a CIA analysist and a mother. Things couldn't have gotten much more complicated than that.

"I do. But somehow whenever he's too calm I miss the noise and chaos. Of course that doesn't usually last too long, but—" her smile was bright and he could tell she loved her son more than she could ever say. He was starting to understand the feeling.

They talked quietly about Billy—his likes, his dislikes, weird little things he'd done—for hours. Vaughn knew Sydney had hours more of stories to recount about the angel dozing between them. But he saw the droop in her eyelids and felt the weight of his own. He knew he should go back to Eric's apartment and go to sleep. He had work in the morning, but its importance was diminished by the idea of watching his son, _his son_, sleep. So instead of leaving he stayed on the couch and watched Sydney fall asleep too.

A half hour later Eric opened the door quietly; it was after one so everyone would most likely be asleep. But he'd promised a debriefing so he checked in. The sight that met his eyes was wonderful; a family who'd fallen asleep together, a mother and father and their son. Everything both Sydney and Mike had always wanted. And now it looked like, what they might just get a chance at having.

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A/N: So now we've all met Billy, but the story is not yet over, there are still things that need to happen to have happily ever after. Please review, 'cause it just makes me so damn happy. **


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